im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
