Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
