so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
a search helicopter?!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
