I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
