I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
