At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize