About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
