why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
