Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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