I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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