I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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