bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
