Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
