If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
