Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
