Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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