They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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