Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
