Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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