I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
