I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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