I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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