My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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