FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I came so hard my ears popped.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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