how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
