I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
