We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
