so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
