PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
