Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
