He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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