I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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