At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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