after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
