so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
