Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
