It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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