dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
