So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize