I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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