Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
