It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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