its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
