so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
