Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
