are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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