i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
