some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
