even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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