i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
