i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
