Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize