lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
