He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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