I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just invented taco cereal.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i think my cat just said my name.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
