Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Found the puke drawer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
tell me about the eggs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
