Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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