she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize