If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
