Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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