i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
