That's intense
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
