Betty ford says i'm here all night
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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