to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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