it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
