sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
